


heart thrilled by the still of your hand

by johnllauren



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Campaign: Graduation (The Adventure Zone), Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:02:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23730517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnllauren/pseuds/johnllauren
Summary: Argo enters the dorm room and is greeted by the sight of Fitzroy shaking, holding the knife out in front of him as if it could actually stop any attacker, elbows locked.“Did you steal that from the dining hall?” Argo whispers.“No.” Fitzroy says, although the school’s logo is engraved on the handle.Fitzroy panics. Argo is there to help him.
Relationships: Argo Keene & Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt, Argo Keene/Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt
Comments: 11
Kudos: 199





	heart thrilled by the still of your hand

**Author's Note:**

> set between episodes 11 and 12! 
> 
> title from "No Plan" by Hozier.

Fitzroy can’t remember the last time he’s slept. 

Okay, that was wrong for two reasons: the first being that he doesn’t exactly _sleep,_ and the second that it’s only been, like, two weeks of this, he’s just really good at exaggerating. 

He’s been finding it extremely hard to allow himself to slip into a trance when the only thing that seems constant is this feeling of _unsafe._ At first it had just been the living conditions (that are, unfortunately, growing on him) but it had become so much more than that so quickly, and Rainer could call him “silly” all she wants, it is very hard to let yourself become unconscious when every day you’re more certain you might be murdered. 

There was a lot more to do, now that his sleep schedule has been whittled down to two hours a night. Of course, Fitzroy didn’t _do_ any of it, but the possibility was still there. He mostly used the time to worry. 

And then he used the time to think about Argo (in a completely friendly way, just a friend hoping his other friend is okay, not anything else for god’s sake), except for one time when he heard noise coming from Argo and the Firbolg’s room, so he checked on them (like any good villain who wants to protect his sidekicks should) and Argo wasn’t there. So he panicked, and woke up the Firbolg, who told him Argo always does this and then politely advised him to go back to sleep because they had class the next day. Fitzroy listened. 

Except it happened all the time. 

There wasn’t a schedule, either; sometimes Argo would be sleeping in his bed, and other times he wasn’t. Fitzroy asked him about it, once, trying his hardest to be nonchalant, and Argo told him he had a rogue class, that part of it involved being able to sneak out of the dorms. 

It didn’t do much to assuage Fitzroy’s nerves. 

He tried to ignore it, or at least act like it didn’t bother him. 

Unfortunately, most of what remained of his sanity left him when the threat of murder became less of a far-fetched exaggeration and more of _something that could actually happen._

That’s when Fitzroy stole the knife from the dining hall. It was pretty easy, really - nobody misses a knife - and keeping it under his pillow made him feel much safer. It stays under his pillow until the night he hears a _thump_ from somewhere outside the dorm. It’s a rather basic noise, but Fitzroy is well on his way to becoming the CEO of both the Thundermen _and_ paranoia, so it has him out of his bed and next to the door in seconds, knife gripped with both his hands. 

He resolves to stay there until morning or until he can’t fight off the trance any longer, because he knows he won’t be able to go back to his bed without almost hyperventilating. His position next to the door allows him to hear a lot more than he usually does, though - footsteps, the creaking of floorboards, hushed voices. Every single sound makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up, but he stays there. There’s only one thing worse than knowing that your death is coming for you, and it’s not knowing. 

At least it’s dark. At least it’s dark, and the Firbolg is sleeping, and Argo is either sleeping or out (but he’ll come back, he always comes back, Fitzroy hopes he comes back), and Gary is covered with thick fabric that Fitzroy hopes he can’t spy through. 

After what seems like it could be days, the noise picks up again. Irregular footsteps, coming closer, towards the door. Fitzroy tenses, holds the knife out in front of him, tries to remember how to act like a knight or barbarian or something brave but can’t stop himself from shaking, and - 

Argo enters the dorm room and is greeted by the sight of Fitzroy shaking, holding the knife out in front of him, elbows locked. 

“Did you steal that from the dining hall?” Argo whispers first, because conversation has never been his strong suit, shutting the door behind him.

“No.” Fitzroy says, although the school’s logo is engraved on the handle. 

“Fitz - ah, Fitzroy - are you okay?” Argo asks, raising an eyebrow, moving to turn on the light. 

“No no no Argo don’t turn on the light.” Fitzroy says, and he sounds much more afraid than is dignified. 

“Fitzroy, what’s going on?” Argo has raised his voice now, and Fitzroy places a hand over his mouth, the knife still firmly grasped in the other. 

“Shh, shh, they’re going to hear us,” Fitzroy whispers. His breath gets caught in his throat and comes out with a choked noise. 

Argo is looking at Fitzroy with an expression that could only be called concern. “Do you…. Um. Wanna talk about it?” 

The last thing Fitzroy wants is to seem weak in front of Argo, but he can’t stop himself. “They can hear us.” 

“Fitzroy?” 

His entire body is shaking now, loathe as he is to admit it, and the knife clatters to the floor. The noise makes him jump, and his breath is quickening, his chest tightening - 

“Fitz, why don’t we talk about this in your room?” 

Fitzroy nods, but he doesn’t move. After a moment of hesitation, Argo’s arm moves to wrap itself around Fitzroy’s torso, guiding him to his room. Argo is surprisingly warm, and Fitzroy melts into the touch. 

When Argo opens the door to Fitzroy’s room, he asks, “light off?” and Fitzroy nods, ever-so-slightly. 

Fitzroy sits on his bed, curling into himself, and Argo opts to stand awkwardly to the side until Fitzroy holds his arm out and says, “Closer, Argo, please.”

Argo obliges, sits on the bed next to Fitzroy. 

“Deep breaths, Fitzroy.” He says. A few days ago it would have been awkward, probably, for the two of them to be close like this, for Fitzroy to be vulnerable. But it doesn’t feel awkward anymore. 

Only then does Fitzroy realize how raggedly he had been breathing, and he takes Argo’s advice. And it helps. Next to him, he hears Argo breathing the same way, slowly in and slowly out, and he feels his breathing slowly go back to normal. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Argo asks when Fitzroy finally feels like he can breathe again. 

He wants to say _I don’t know how much longer I can keep going like this_ , he wants to say _What if one of us dies,_ or _what if we both do and the Firbolg is alone _, or _Argo, this is the closest to okay I’ve felt in months_ , or _I think it’s only okay when I’m with you_.__

__He says, “We aren’t safe here.”_ _

__“I know.” Argo says, almost immediately, with a sobering amount of seriousness._ _

__“What are we supposed to do?” Fitzroy asks, so uncertain and vulnerable he expects Argo to scoff at him._ _

__Instead, Argo’s eyes soften, and he leans closer to Fitzroy. “I don’t know. I guess keep on keepin’ on.”_ _

__“I’m scared.”_ _

__“Me too.”_ _

__They lapse back into silence, Fitzroy still breathing like Argo told him to, only shaking slightly now._ _

__“Is contact okay? Do you want, uh, a hug?” Argo asks._ _

__Fitzroy realizes he’s never been asked this question, offered affection like this. But he wants it, wants to feel the touch of another person, warm and comforting and like everything will be okay. “Yeah,” he says, voice small, so Argo could choose to ignore it if he wants._ _

__But Argo doesn’t ignore him. Instead, he moves closer, wrapping his arms around Fitzroy and drawing him closer. Argo’s embrace is tight but comfortable, and Fitzroy finds that he likes it very much, settles into it, rests his head on Argo’s shoulder. Argo relaxes into it as well, melting into the embrace as Fitzroy’s arms make their way around his torso._ _

__“It’s going to be okay. We’re going to be alright.” Argo says, unsure who he’s convincing._ _

__“How do you know?” Fitzroy asks._ _

__“Because if anything happened to you, I’d… I’d give ‘em hell.”_ _

__“That’s taking blame-taking to the extreme.” Fitzroy says, his voice reduced to a tired murmur against Argo’s skin._ _

__“What I mean to say, Fitz, is that I’ve got you. You’re okay.”_ _

__“Oh.” Fitzroy says._ _

__There’s more to be said, but neither of them say it. Instead they stay there, both afraid to break away, in the dark._ _

__“You need to get some sleep.” Argo says. His lips brush against Fitzroy’s temple._ _

__“So do you.” Fitzroy counters. “We have class in the morning.”_ _

__“Yeah.” Argo takes that as a dismissal, so he moves to untangle his limbs from Fitzroy’s, but Fitzroy places a hand on his arm to stop him._ _

__“St- I- Argo. Stay. Please.”_ _

__Argo finds that he can’t deny Fitzroy anything. “Of course.” He’s very thankful that the darkness hides the color that has crept its way onto his cheeks. “We probably shouldn’t sleep sitting up, though.”_ _

__“Right.” Fitzroy replies. He allows Argo to get up and gets off the bed himself, pulling the covers back to get under them._ _

__Argo pauses. “I’ll be right back, I’ve gotta… y’know. Get my pajamas on.”_ _

__“No,” The word is too desperate, too rushed. “Don’t leave.” He still can’t bring himself to tell Argo that he can’t bear the thought of Argo leaving his sight. “Here, I’ll give you something of mine.”_ _

__“Oh. Okay.” Argo says, unable to mask his surprise. Fitzroy hands him a pair of pajamas that feel so expensive Argo feels strange touching them, but he puts them on anyway, folding his clothes and putting them off to the side. The pajamas are slightly big on him - Fitzroy is shorter than him, but the muscles make up for it - and they smell like _Fitzroy_ , a scent Argo basks in despite himself. _ _

__“Come here.” Fitzroy says, and Argo does._ _

__Fitzroy pulls the covers over them and turns to face Argo. They look into each other’s eyes for a moment that seems like an hour, and then Fitzroy curls into Argo’s arms with a sigh of content. Argo had thought it would be hard to sleep looking at Fitzroy’s face only inches from his own, but with Fitzroy’s arm around him and the sound of Fitzroy’s slow, methodical breathing, he found it very, very easy._ _

**Author's Note:**

> hit me up on tumblr to talk about these good good boys: lafayettesass  
> (also kudos and comments make my day) 
> 
> expect more maplekeene, they're the only thing giving me serotonin in these trying times. I can't believe there aren't more fics on this tag


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